All the telltale signsof its approach were staring me in the face, from the cramping to thefeeling of being bloated right down to an uncomfortable edginess inmood, but not until I saw that red stain on the toilet paper did it allcome together.Part of being in denial also precluded me from exploring my newequipment until then, and so with that red smear came the realizationthat I was about to jam a cork up into a body cavity, that until justdays earlier hadn't even existed. As explicit as the directions on thebox may be, this is one thing that is better done the first time withan experienced coach. Try envisioning a construction worker's largebulky hands with somewhat longer nails than should have been on handslike mine, trying to delicately handle and maneuver a tampon for thefirst time. Throw in a major dose of nervousness, anxiety, sheerterror, the shakes, and you wouldn't be anywhere near what I was goingthrough as I sat there on the toilet, legs spread wide apart coaxingthis. “Ginger getting us a sampler?”“Yeah,” said Don as he poured the beer into the mugs.Jason grabbed his mug. “Salut.”“Salut,” said Don, as they clinked their mugs and took a drink.“So Don, fuck her yet?” asked Jason.Don choked on his beer and coughed. “Excuse me?”“I asked if you fucked her yet,” Jason said.“Who?” asked Don.Jason looked around then said quietly, “The mermaid.”Don looked at Jason shocked. “Maybe you misunderstood—”“You bought the necklace,” Jason interrupted. “It was custom made for a mermaid.”Don drank down about half of his beer before he spoke. “You knew the day I bought it.”“I did,” said Jason. “So, answer my question, and I’ll share you my story and how I knew.”“Yes, the night I bought that necklace from you,” said Don.“I figured as much,” said Jason. “Ah, food.”Ginger set a large plate with chicken strips, Buffalo wings, crab legs, fresh fruit, mozzarella sticks, French fries, onion rings, some assorted sauces, and two plates. “Anything else boys?”“Nope,” said.
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